Monthly Archives: March 2008

Global Integrity Report

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The Global Integrity Report is a tool for understanding governance and anti-corruption mechanisms at the national level. Written by local researchers and journalists, the Report is characterized by an innovative, award-winning research methodology; a robust peer review process; and start-to-finish transparency.
Global Integrity Report

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How To Do Homework The Proper Way

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1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him. 5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. 7. Check your e-mail; reply to everyone who sent you letters. 8. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade... You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate. 9. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. 10. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper. 11. Listen to the other side. 12. Check your e-mail again. 13. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order. 14. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, the world at large. 15. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 16. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor. 17. Check your e-mail to make sure no-one sent you any urgent messages since the last time you checked. 18. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: Pro Bowler's Tour + any movie starring Don Ameche + Star Trek 19. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26. 20. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot. 21. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror. 22. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is. 23. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future. 24. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall. 25. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 26. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the hell of it. 27. Check your e-mail. 28. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise. 29. Lie face down on the floor and moan. 30. Leap up and write the paper. 31. Type the paper.

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Laws of Work

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  1. The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
  2. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
  3. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
  4. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  5. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
  6. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  7. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
  8. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  9. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  10. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
  12. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
  13. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
  14. Arriving to work early sets an expectation that your less ambitious co-workers will not appreciate.
  15. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
  16. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
  17. To err is human, to forgive is not a part of company policy.
  18. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
  19. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
  20. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
  21. You are always doing something frivolous when the boss drops by your desk.
  22. The people chosen to go to conferences are always the party animals with no intention of learning a thing.
  23. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
  24. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
  25. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  26. Following the rules will not get the job done.
  27. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
  28. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
  29. No matter how much you do, you never do enough, let alone too much.
  30. The last person that quit or was fired will be blamed for everything that goes wrong.

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