Aug 8, 2008
Late Night Commentary
Late night commentary from this week:
Jon Stewart: We just heard that Iraq has announced an 80-billion dollar surplus. How are they gonna spend this money?
John Oliver: Well John, like everything in Iraq now, it is up for reasoned discussion. Some have suggested a few infrastructure improvements and then socking the rest away. Others would like to construct a giant bed, cover it with all the money, and then let everyone in the country just roll around on it Scrooge McDuck-style. Others still would like to hire a mercenary army like Blackwater to drive out the infidel American force.
—The Daily Show
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“President Bush is on a week-long tour of Asia. He’ll visit South Korea, Thailand, and China. Or as the White House calls it: the Everything Sold At Wal-Mart tour.”
—Jay Leno
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“Now, to highlight what a charade proper air pressure is, the McCain campaign has started handing out Barack Obama ‘Energy Plan’ tire gauges. You see, it’s a great way to drive home what a ridiculous plan this is. Plus, it’s an easy way to check your tire pressure, and that can save you a lot of money. That’s not just me talking. The government’s own website says that proper tire inflation can save up to 12 cents a gallon immediately. So thank you for the tire gauge, Senator McCain. And good work. You stuck it to all the left-wing nutjobs who advocate proper tire inflation. Radical liberals like your potential vice presidential nominee, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Joe Lieberman, Triple A and the pinkos over at NASCAR. I’ve had my eyes on those guys ever since they had that car sponsored by the ACLU.”
—Stephen Colbert
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“Security is very tight for the Olympics in China, which has been very hard on the locals there. Many stores and factories in Beijing have been forced to close, and people have been forced out of their houses. Sort of like here in the United States, only for them it ends in a couple of weeks.”
—Jimmy Kimmel
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“There’s excitement in the air over the Olympics…also lead, arsenic, benzene…”
—David Letterman
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“The skies over Beijing are very smoggy. The government says the pollution is just a harmless mist. They made a similar statement about the treatment of prisoners—it’s not torture, it’s Pilates.”
—Craig Ferguson
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