Video easily shows how to crack and open an egg one-handed like those fancy chefs on TV do.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Video easily shows how to crack and open an egg one-handed like those fancy chefs on TV do.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Juvenile, but very funny.
With any story, there is a setup process. Here is the setup to this story. About 6 months ago, I was making a purchase with my credit card and when I went to sign the electronic signature machine, it was broken. By broken, I mean that when I touched the pen to the machine, it went crazy and didn't look anything like my signature. It looked like a drunk 4 year old signed my name for me. It accepted the signature without any problems. So this really made me wonder what I could do to give my credit card company something to laugh about. I mean, they obviously don't review the signatures since they never called me or declined a purchase. For fucks sake, it could have been a stolen card.
I started out modest by signing with a line or an "X". Occasionally I would do last name first. After a couple of months, I became bolder. I wrote goofy shit, drew pictures, etc. Here's a list of some of my favorite signatures over the past few months:
- I AM NOT KINGPIN
- I STOLE THIS
- FUCK OFF
- FUCK YOU
- WALMART SUCKS
- CALL ME
- CROTCHY CROTCHINGTON
- MY BALLS ITCH
- 911
- I'M A CRIMINAL
- THANKS FOR THE STUFF
Today I went the extra mile. When it came time to sign my name, a thought popped in my head. I should draw a picture. But what picture should I draw? I smirked as something completely juvenile came to me.
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Cannon Balls - Bet You Didn't Know This....It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys. Few landlubbers realise that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, you thought that was just a vulgar expression, didn't you? You might like to send this fabulous bit of historical knowledge to at least a few uneducated friends.
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Site last updated February 9, 2012 @ 7:34 am