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How to be annoying on an elevator

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Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your handkerchief to the other passengers. Twist your back painfully while smacking your forehead and mumbling "Shut up. Damnit, all of you just shut up!" Whistle some annoying TV series themes. Sell Girl Scout cookies. On a long ride, swing your body side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. Shave with a razor blade and insist people not to press any buttons until you are done. Crack open your briefcase or bag, look inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. Stand silently and motionless in the corner facing the wall. Don't get off at any floor. When arriving at your floor, go back and prepare to kick the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. Lean over to another passenger and whisper "Woohoo... anybody there?" Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stays open until you hear the coin you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. Do Tai Chi or Yoga exercises. Stare and smile at another passenger for a while. Finally announce "I've got my new socks on!" When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!" Give religious flyers to each passenger. Meow like a horny cat occassionally. Bet the other passengers you can fit a coin in your nose. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. Sing "Mary had a Little Lamb" while continually pushing buttons. Shout "Bombs away!" whenever the elevator stops and someone gets out. Enter the elevator with a portable fridge that says "Human head" on the side. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of them!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. Burp, and then say "Mmmm... tasty!" Leave a box between the doors purposely. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. Start to sing sing-along songs and ask others to join you. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your cellular phone?" Shadow box against the elevator mirror. Proudly say "Ding!" at each floor. Lean against the button panel pretending that you are asleep so that noone is able to press them. Say "I wonder what all of these buttons do," and push all the buttons. Don't forget to push the "Emergency Stop" button. Listen to the elevator walls with a doctors stethoscope. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." Bring a chair with you and sit on it in the middle of the elevator. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger "Wanna fee whafs in muh mouf?" Blow big bubblegum balloons and make them blow with a big blast. Pull your bubblegum out of your mouth in long strings and tie it around your fingers. Announce in a demonic voice "I must find a more suitable host body." Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. Make squeaking and cracking sounds when a fat person steps in the elevator. Wear "X-Ray Glasses" and stare suggestively at other passengers. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." If anyone brushes against you, recoil and shout "Bad touch!"

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Negative Calorie Foods

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These foods burn more calories than they give you, thus helping limiting calories and weight-loss.
  1. Celery: A staple on most party veggie trays, celery (without the ranch dressing) is a crispy snack that you can enjoy without worrying about taking in any calories. It is high in sugar and sodium, but still much healthier than pigging out on brownies or salty peanuts.
  2. Oranges: Before you leave for work in the morning, toss an orange into your bag for a mid-morning or late afternoon snack. An orange typically contains only 45 calories, so feel free to eat the whole thing!
  3. Strawberries: Strawberries are a popular negative calorie food because of their natural sweetness and juiciness. Sprinkle a few on your breakfast cereal to give your metabolism an extra jumpstart early in the day.
  4. Tangerines: A smaller, more tart version of the orange, tangerines are another negative calorie food that’s both tasty and portable. Enjoy one or two for a snack throughout the day to stimulate your taste buds without having to dig through the candy drawer.
  5. Grapefruit: As big as it is, grapefruit –without the extra sugar on top– is a surprisingly negative calorie food. One-half of a grapefruit only contains 36 calories but a whopping 78% of your daily value of potassium.
  6. Carrots: Carrots don’t just make your eyes sparkle; they also let you snack guilt-free. Snack on baby carrots instead of chips and salsa while you make dinner, or keep a bag in your office refrigerator when you feel the need to eat due to stress.
  7. Apricots: Indulge in nutrient-rich apricots for a sweet snack with negative calories. Your higher metabolism and thinning waistline will thank you.
  8. Lettuce: There’s a dirty little rumor in the magazine industry that the girls at Vogue keep lettuce in their desks to snack on when the hunger pains strike, but they can’t afford to compromise their stick thin figures. We’re guessing you’re not about to go through the day dizzy with starvation, but you can make yourself a hearty salad with lots of lettuce (and other negative calorie veggies!) once you get home. Don’t forget to take it easy on the dressing.
  9. Tomatoes: Chop up a tomato to give your sandwich, salad or egg whites omelet extra flavor without adding any calories.
  10. Cucumbers: Your salad can’t survive on lettuce alone. Cucumbers are another negative calorie food that are great for crunching on when your mouth is getting bored. Check here for tips on growing your own cucumbers.
  11. Watermelon: A traditional summertime treat, enjoying a watermelon is almost fun and delicious as eating candy because of its super sweet, super juicy nature. Plus, you’ll burn off all the calories crunching, digesting, and of course, spitting out the seeds.
  12. Cauliflower: Another party platter vegetable, raw cauliflower is naturally low in fat and of course, calories, so don’t be shy about piling up your cocktail napkin.
  13. Apples: An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but when eaten as a snack instead of candy bars or chips, apples will also keep the calories at bay. With only 81 calories per apple, your body also works a lot harder and longer to digest the fruit many other snack options.
  14. Hot Chili Peppers: Excess seasonings and dressings pile on lots of fat and calories to otherwise healthy meals. To avoid gaining weight simply because you’re a condiments junkie, experiment with more natural seasonings like hot chili peppers, which is a negative calorie food.
  15. Zucchini: Zucchini is a versatile, negative calorie food that can be baked, steamed, fried (not recommended), or prepared in many other ways. With just 15 calories per 100g, make zucchini your new diet staple.
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Negative Calorie Foods: 15 Foods That Actually Burn More Calories Than They Contain

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